Take Me Out

This iphone performance of Take Me Out by Atomic Tom still moves me to tears. 5 years later! Such passion and honesty.

This Too Shall Pass

Endeavor

en·deav·or Audio Help /ɛnˈdɛvər/ Pronunciation Key

–verb (used without object)
1. to exert oneself to do or effect something; make an effort; strive: We must constantly endeavor if we are to succeed.
–verb (used with object)
2. to attempt; try: He endeavors to keep things neat in his apartment.
3. Archaic. to attempt to achieve or gain.
–noun
4. a strenuous effort; attempt.

Prickly Pear

"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and be understood." ― Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Friendship is a truly beautiful thing in life. It's difficult to find people with whom you genuinely connect. I'm thankful to say I have meaningful and deep friendships. I met these people at different stages of my life and even though most of them are on the other side of the world or country, they all hold a significant place in my heart. Admittedly, I need to constantly remind myself to be a better and more present friend. Distance is an obstacle in any kind of relationship, romantic or platonic. There are many factors to maintaining friendships, it can often be a struggle even if you live in the same city. But I hate making excuses, so stop making excuses!

Last summer, Caro sent me Prickly Pear by Portico Quartet (now known as Portico). She said this reminded her of our friendship. After I listened to it, I knew what she meant. This piece of music captures the whimsy and playfulness of our friendship. It's happy and non-judgmental. I'm so grateful to know someone with whom I can share myself. I feel pure, unadultered bliss. Friendships make life worth living.

Work Hard & Be Nice To People

Work Hard & Be Nice To People is my life motto. These posters by Anthony Burrill elegantly illustrate the simplicity of a universal concept. Life is short and we are lucky to have a chance to be here, so we should be nice to each other. Work hard and contribute to better this world, we owe it to the universe and each other. Let's spread this notion, so work hard and be nice to people today.

Chef's Table

"If you have success, if you live a incredible moment of happiness, the happiness is much, much more deep and big, if you share with others and you get to the point together, is like the happiness and the feeling is exploding. It's double. This is the point." ― Massimo Bottura

Chef's Table is an American documentary series released on Netflix. It follows six renowned chefs around the world and shares their incredible journey of food and passion for life. I finally started watching it today, because I was ready to be blown away by food. I truly appreciate the art of food. Great food has the ability to elevate and inspire. These beautiful food documentaries have only fueled my love for food even more. Chef's Table captures the beauty and awe of innovative food. It is filmed so beautifully and accompanied by classical music. I'm filled with so much emotion.

I love seeing these radical food ideas, but the heart of the story lies in the journey of the chef. The story behind their success, their humble beginnings and the obstacles and hurdles they had to overcome in order to become a renowned figure in their industry. To achieve success requires sacrifice and tireless hard work. There is so much risk and courage it takes to make a name for yourself. I am so inspired by these people. I look forward to documenting each episode. Dinner is served!

1. Massimo Bottura (Osteria Francescana in Modena, Italy)
2. Dan Barber (Blue Hill Restaurant at Stone Barns and in New York City, USA)
3. Francis Mallmann (El Restaurante Patagonia Sur in Buenos Aires, Argentina)
4. Niki Nakayama (N/Naka Restaurant in Los Angeles, CA, USA)
5. Ben Shewry (Attica Restaurant in Melbourne, Australia)
6. Magnus Nilsson (Fäviken in Järpen, Sweden)

Upular

Upular by Pogo defines my summer of 2010. This week, I went through four years of posts on my Tumblr and it was like opening a time capsule. I felt this rush of happiness and nostalgia. I rediscovered all these songs and music videos that blew my mind four years ago and they still blow my mind today. I played this song on repeat that summer. A sweet sense of adventure and wonder is captured by the charm and humor of this cleverly edited video.

To celebrate Inside Out coming out this weekend, I dedicate this song to you Pixar fans. It has been two years since the last Pixar film came out and it's about time to grace the screens with this comically thought-provoking film that takes place in the control room of a girl's mind, featuring Amy Poehler, Bill Hader and Mindy Kaling. Work your magic, Pixar!

Jurassic Park Theme (1000% Slower)

This Jurassic Park Theme slowed down 1000% is the most majestic piece of ambient music. It sends chills down my spine. It captures such awe and wonderment. John Williams' score will be remembered and respected for a long time coming.

Her Morning Elegance

Good morning! Today is going to be a beautiful day. Now go and enjoy it!

Sun been down for days
A pretty flower in a vase
A slipper by the fireplace
A cello lying in its case
Soon she's down the stairs
Her morning elegance she wears
The sound of water makes her dream
Awoken by a cloud of steam
She pours a daydream in a cup
A spoon of sugar sweetens up
And she fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain as it pours
And she fights for her life as she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught by a thread
She pays for the bread and she goes
Nobody knows
Sun been down for days
A winter melody she plays
The thunder makes her contemplate
She hears a noise behind the gate
Perhaps a letter with a dove
Perhaps a stranger she could love
And she fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain as it pours
And she fights for her life as she goes in a store
With a thought she has caught by a thread
She pays for the bread and she goes
Nobody knows
Nobody knows
And she fights for her life
As she puts on her coat
And she fights for her life on the train
She looks at the rain as it pours
And she fights for her life as she goes in a store
Where the people are cleverly strange
And counting the change as she goes
Nobody knows

Forghedaboudit!

I really needed to LOL today and this video achieved that instantaneously. A few months ago, I was crushing hard on Hugh Grant and watched a bunch of his films. Mickey Blue Eyes isn't one of his best films, nevertheless, he's so effortlessly charming and boyish. This movie is actually quite forgettable, but these two scenes stuck with me, because Hugh isn't afraid to be a little silly. Moreover, his accent never fails to comfort me and remind me of the seven years I lived in England.

Sometimes you just need a good laugh to get you through the day. We get so caught up in daily stresses and anxieties, we forget to enjoy the simple pleasure of laughing out loud. This may not be your cup of tea, but I encourage you to find a movie scene that makes you want to laugh and really laugh, because you deserve it!

Past / Present / Future

"One day I just woke up and realized that I can't touch yesterday. So why the heck was I letting it touch me?" ― Steve Maraboli

being to timelessness as it’s to time

being to timelessness as it’s to time,
love did no more begin than love will end;
where nothing is to breathe to stroll to swim
love is the air the ocean and the land 

(do lovers suffer?all divinities
proudly descending put on deathful flesh:
are lovers glad?only their smallest joy’s
a universe emerging from a wish) 

love is the voice under all silences,
the hope which has no opposite in fear;
the strength so strong mere force is feebleness:
the truth more first than sun more last than star 

-do lovers love?why then to heaven with hell.
Whatever sages say and fools, all’s well

 being to timelessness as it’s to time by e.e. cummings

Fly Over Dwarf Planet Ceres

"Look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see, and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious." ― Stephen Hawking

Everyday I'm amazed to be alive. I am so grateful to be alive. I want to explore and live and exist! Space has always been a fascinating subject for me, but I never took the time to educate myself. Now I'm 26 years old and I find myself thinking about space, the universe and our existence. Space films like Interstellar, Gravity, Sunshine, etc. have given me a little insight, but I want to further learn about space. There is so much to learn. I appreciate the minds of Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan and Neil deGrasse Tyson. I will put in more effort to listen to StarTalk Radio, start A Brief History in Time (again) and pick up The Science of Interstellar for myself.

June 10th marks the four year anniversary in New York, so I wanted to document the Astronomy Picture of the Day. I don't have the habit of checking it on a daily basis, but once in a while, I will spend a few hours staring at photos of clusters of stars, globulars, nebulae, etc. These photos remind me of how small we are. The history of humans is so brief. Therefore, we must appreciate life and not take it for granted.

Astronomy Picture of the Day 

Fly Over Dwarf Planet Ceres 

Video Credit: NASA, JPL-Caltech, UCLA, MPS/DLR/IDA, DLR, ESO

Explanation: What would it look like to fly over dwarf planet Ceres? Animators from the German Aerospace Center recently took actual images and height data from NASA's robotic Dawn mission -- currently visiting Ceres -- to generate several fascinating virtual sequences. The featured video begins with a mock orbit around the 950-km wide space rock, with the crater featuring two of the enigmatic white spots soon rotating into view. The next sequences take the viewer around the Ceres' north and south poles, and then over a limb of the dark world highlighting its heavily cratered surface. Here, terrain height on the asteroid belt's largest object has been digitally doubled, while an artificial star field has been added in the background. The Dawn spacecraft will likely remain an unusual artificial moon of Ceres long after its mission concludes.

(existing’s tricky:but to live’s a gift)

the trick of finding what you didn’t lose
(existing’s tricky:but to live’s a gift)
the teachable imposture of always
arriving at the place you never left 

(and i refer to thinking)rests upon
a dismal misconception;namely that
some neither ape nor angel called a man
is measured by his quote eye cue unquote. 

Much better than which,every woman who’s
(despite the ultramachinations of
some loveless infraworld)a woman knows;
and certain men quite possibly may have 

shal we say guessed?”we shall” quoth gifted she:
and played the hostess to my morethanme

the trick of finding what you didn’t lose by e. e. cummings 

June 10th marks my four year anniversary with New York City.

I am amazed that I've been in New York for four years now. I remember the bittersweet feeling when taking off from SFO and listening to Skinny Love by Bon Iver. I was leaving a piece of my heart, I was scared and nervous, but ready for the next chapter of my life. As the plane flew over Manhattan, my heart was racing with excitement. It was such a stunning sight. The city was glowing. How is it possible that four years have gone by already?

When an anniversary comes around, it's time for reflection and contemplation. What have I done/seen/achieved/tried/explored? In the last four years, I've lived in Flushing, Greenpoint, Williamsburg, Chinatown, Midtown West and Williamsburg again. I'm so thankful that I settled in Williamsburg eventually and it's been two years since I've lived here. It feels so comforting to have a home and I'm eternally grateful. It's important to have a safe haven, where you can focus on yourself and work on projects.

I've experienced ups and downs: creatively and emotionally. It's a constant struggle to find myself. Being me is a 24 hour job. I'm always learning about myself and trying to be the best me. Sometimes I lose sight of who I am and I feel lost and disconnected to the world. That's the feeling that haunts me. I have my bouts of anhedonia when I cannot enjoy anything or feel anything. I would feel numb and creatively and emotionally paralyzed. Over these years, I've learned to embrace the ups and downs and really cherish when I'm feeling creatively and emotionally fulfilled, because life is in motion. I cannot rush it, I cannot slow it down, so I'm on the path to understand my existence and appreciate life. Existing's tricky, but to live's a gift.

Thank you New York. Thank you universe for the memories and adventures. happythankyoumoreplease.

The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love

"The capacity to be alone is the capacity to love. It may look paradoxical to you, but it's not. It is an existential truth: only those people who are capable of being alone are capable of love, of sharing, of going into the deepest core of another person–without possessing the other, without reducing the other to a thing, and without becoming addicted to the other. They allow the other absolute freedom, because they know that if the other leaves, they will be as happy as they are now. Their happiness cannot be taken by the other, because it is not given by the other." ― Osho

The Garden of Words

The Garden of Words tells a story of two lonely people that rendezvous on rainy days. I am completely enamored by simple stories of people who are trying to find their place in the world. There is so much depth to these characters. Their sense of longing and solitude is palpable. Even though the world is animated, I feel a strong connection to the story. The story emphasizes the original meaning of koi - a "longing for someone in solitude". What does it mean to exist? What does it mean to live day-by-day? Where am I? Who am I? Am I in this alone? A simple connection with another human being can make life worth living. It can make you wake up in the morning. It can give you a sense of meaning and purpose.

In an interview, the director Makoto Shinkai said he created the film with the hope of cheering up people who feel lonely or incomplete in their social relations. However, he made a point that "this movie doesn't treat loneliness as something that must be fixed." I find that to be such a beautiful sentiment. Loneliness is a human experience and state of emotion. I find it necessary to embrace loneliness and solitude, so that we can truly understand ourselves. Then it becomes a beautiful equation if you can share that solitude with another human being. That's my understanding of koi.

I've learned to embrace the rain, because water gives us life and it makes everything beautiful again. Life is a journey that requires us to walk with two feet on the ground. When it rains, it pours, so walk the walk of life with courage. Breathe.

なるかみの, すこしとよみて,
さしくもり,
あめもふらぬか,
きみをとどめむ

[A faint clap of thunder,
Clouded skies,
Perhaps rain will come.
If so, will you stay here with me?]

Yukino in The Garden of Words^[3]
from Man'yōshū, Book 11, verse 2,513^[4]

なるかみの,すこしとよみて,
ふらずとも,
わはとどまらむ,
いもしとどめば

[A faint clap of thunder,
Even if rain comes or not,
I will stay here,
Together with you.]

Takao in The Garden of Words^[5]
from Man'yōshū, Book 11, verse 2,514^[6]

Rain

言葉にできず凍えたままで / kotoba ni dekizu kogoeta mama de
Frozen (in place) without able to put (my) feelings into words

人前ではやさしく生きていた / hitomae de wa yasashiku ikiteita
I was just living quietly in front of people

しわよせで　こんなふうに雑に / shiwayose de konna fuu ni zatsu ni
In order to move that burden away

雨の夜にきみを抱きしめてた / ame no yoru ni kimi wo dakishimeteta
I embraced you roughly on that rainy night

道路わきのビラと壊れた常夜灯 / dourowaki no BIRA to kowareta jouyatou
(In the) road-side buildings and (under) the broken night-lamps

街角ではそう　だれもが急いでた / machikado de wa sou dare mo ga isoideta
And at street corners, everyone was in a hurry

きみじゃない悪いのは自分の激しさを / kimi janai warui no wa jibun no hageshisa wo
You are not the one who is at fault

かくせないぼくのほうさ / kakusenai boku no hou sa
Unable to hide my own intensity, it is me who is the one at fault

Lady　きみは雨にけむる / LADY kimi wa ame ni kemuru
LADY you were shrouded by the rain

すいた駅を少し走った / suita eki wo sukoshi hashitta
(I) ran (after you) through the empty station for a bit

どしゃぶりでもかまわないと / doshaburi demo kamawanai to
Saying that, ‘it doesn’t matter if it is raining heavily’

ずぶぬれでもかまわないと / zubunure demo kamawanai to
It doesn’t matter If I’m completely drenched’

しぶきあげるきみが消えてく / shibuki ageru kimi ga kieteku
You make splashes in the water and disappear

路地裏では朝が早いから / rojiura de wa asa ga hayai kara
Because the mornings come early in the back-alleys

今のうちにきみをつかまえ / ima no uchi ni kimi wo tsukamae
I have to catch you now

行かないで　行かないで そう言うよ / ikanai de ikanai de sou iu yo
Saying to you, ‘don’t go, don’t go’

別々に暮らす　泣き出しそうな空を / betsu betsu ni kurasu nakidashi sou na sora wo
Now that we are living separately, I no longer have the strength

にぎりしめる強さは今はもうない / nigirishimeru tsuyosa wa ima wa mou nai
To grasp the sky that is on the verge of tears

変わらずいる心のすみだけで傷つくような / kawarazu iru kokoro no sumi dakede kizutsuku you na
If you are going to remain in my heart, unchanging and just hurting me

きみならもういらない / kimi nara mou iranai
I don’t need you anymore

Lady　きみは雨にぬれて / LADY kimi wa ame ni nurete
LADY you were drenched in the rain

ぼくの眼を少し見ていた / boku no me wo sukoshi miteita
And you looked at my eyes just a little bit

どしゃぶりでもかまわないと / doshaburi demo kamawanai to
Saying that, ‘it doesn’t matter if it is raining heavily’

ずぶぬれでもかまわないと / zubunure demo kamawanai to
It doesn’t matter If I’m completely drenched’

口笛ふくぼくがついてく / kuchibue fuku boku ga tsuiteku
I whistle and follow you

ずいぶんきみを知りすぎたのに / zuibun kimi wo shiri sugita no ni
Even though I’ve gotten to know so much about you now

初めて争った夜のように / hajimete arasotta yoru no you ni
Like the first night when we fought

行かないで　行かないで そう言うよ / ikanai de ikanai de sou iu yo
I say ‘don’t go, don’t go’

肩が乾いたシャツ改札を出る頃 / kata ga kawaita SHATSU kaisatsu wo deru koro
By the time I pass through the ticket gate, the shirt on my shoulders has dried

きみの町じゃもう雨は小降りになる / kimi no machi ja mou ame wa koburi ni naru
In your town, the rain has slowed down to a drizzle already

今日だけが明日に続いてる / kyou dake ga ashita ni tsuzuiteru
Only today will continue into tomorrow

こんなふうに　きみとは終われない / konna fuu ni kimi to wa owarenai
Feeling in this way, I cannot end it with you

Lady　きみは今もこうして 小さめの傘もささずに / LADY kimi wa ima mo koushite chiisame no kasa mo sasazu ni
LADY even know you don’t have even a small umbrella with you

どしゃぶりでもかまわないと / doshaburi demo kamawanai to
Saying that, ‘it doesn’t matter if it is raining heavily’

ずぶぬれでもかまわないと / zubunure demo kamawanai to
It doesn’t matter If I’m completely drenched’

しぶきあげるきみが消えてく / shibuki ageru kimi ga kieteku
You make splashes in the water and disappear

路地裏では朝が早いから / rojiura de wa asa ga hayai kara
Because the mornings come early in the back-alleys

今のうちにきみをつかまえ / ima no uchi ni kimi wo tsukamae
I have to catch you now

行かないで　行かないで そう言うよ / ikanai de ikanai de sou iu yo
Saying to you, ‘don’t go, don’t go’

どしゃぶりでもかまわないと / doshaburi demo kamawanai to
Saying that, ‘it doesn’t matter if it is raining heavily’

ずぶぬれでもかまわないと / zubunure demo kamawanai to
It doesn’t matter If I’m completely drenched’

口笛ふくぼくがついてく / kuchibue fuku boku ga tsuiteku
I whistle and follow you

ずいぶんきみを知りすぎたのに / zuibun kimi wo shiri sugita no ni
Even though I’ve gotten to know so much about you now

初めて争った夜のように / hajimete arasotta yoru no you ni
Like the first night when we fought

行かないで　行かないで そう言うよ / ikanai de ikanai de sou iu yo
I say ‘don’t go, don’t go’

You're All Alone

"Hi, I'm Ted Mosby. In exactly 45 days from now, you and I are gonna meet and we are gonna fall in love. And we are gonna get married. And we are gonna have two kids. And we are gonna love them and each other so much. All that is 45 days away. But I'm here now, I guess because I want those extra 45 days with you. I want each one of them. Look, if I can't have them, I'll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up before he punches me in the face. Because I love you. I'm always gonna love you, till the end of my days and beyond. You'll see."

It's nights like these when I feel acutely aware of my solitude. The fresh cold air hit my face as I walked down a tree-lined street at midnight. I was listening to the How I Met Your Mother playlist on Spotify, when You're All Alone by John Swihart came on. This piano piece truly conveys such melancholy and hope at the same time. It makes me heart swell and break. Of course, there's the association of Ted Mosby making this gut-wrenchingly beautiful and powerful speech to his future wife in the The Time Travelers episode. Solid performance and writing from Josh Radnor and Carter Bays and Craig David respectively.

If I'm going to be honest, I'm happy with my solitude. Although... there are days I can't help but feel a slight void in my life. That's why I try to fill that void with beauty and inspiration. Even when it's fiction, I find so much beauty in Ted's speech. Most people in their lives hope to find love and be in love with someone special. I cannot deny that I want that in my life, but it's not a priority. I strongly crave that feeling, that sense of yearning and longing. Maybe what I want at this point of my life is more abstract, therefore, it makes it easier for me to cope with my solitude. I know I have the ability to feel those emotions for someone who is out there. I don't know who he is or where he is or when we'll meet. I'll be waiting.

I may be all alone, but I don't feel alone. I'm surrounded by beauty and I know life is worth living.

My Brother, Teddy

I just want to be moved by stories. I want to live life with a real sense of purpose and gratitude. I want to and need to feel alive and present. I want my life to be a sensory experience. I want to listen, see, touch, smell and taste. Sometimes we forget to really experience these senses. This is my effort to record and document everything that gives me pleasure.

On Sunday, I saw When Marnie Was There at IFC Film Center. Before the film, they screened this moving short film by New York Times Op-Docs series. It shows a simple story about a young girl and her relationship with her younger brother who has cerebral palsy. She has such a great sense of life. I felt so touched by her love and care for her brother. It reminds me to not take my loved ones for granted. I love stories about real people. I find myself so attracted to hearing what real people have endured in life. How they've suffered. How they've struggled. How they've overcome. How they've thrived.

I will start posting inspiring videos, quotes, photos, songs, poems, letters and I hope it will bring you joy, hope and optimism... to remind you that life is a beautiful experience and journey.

(There's Gotta Be) More to Life

When I start to feel like an existential crisis boiling within me, I think of this song. I think there's gotta be more to life... than drama... suffering... struggling... and the hustle. I'm alive and I'm just grateful to be here, to have my physical and mental health and to be a physical form with functioning organs and with a consciousness. I don't want to be a drone. I want to be present and experience life fully.

I started reading Being and Nothingness by Jean-Paul Sartre. I'm slowly digesting the language and concept behind existentialism and phenomenology. It's quite complex, but I'm glad I'm finally reading about it and by the end of it, I hope to have a better understanding of life and existence. I need to spend more time to educate myself. Life is about appreciating the beauty it has to offer, learning about its wonders, protecting and preserving our planet and humanity and accepting and respecting ourselves and each other. The human condition.

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived

I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside

Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing

And why can't I let it go

There's gotta be more to life

Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

Cause the more that I'm

Tripping out thinking there must be more to life

Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more

Than wanting more 

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly

Here in this moment, I'm half way out the door

Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

I'm wanting more

I'm always waiting on something other than this 

Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed