XXVII

"As you are not experienced in the things of the world, all the things that have some difficulty will seem impossible. Trust in time, which will offer sweet solutions to many sour difficulties." ― Don Quixote

Birthdays are usually a cause for celebration. When you hear the word "birthday", you immediately cheer and squeal for that person. I never felt compelled to celebrate throughout the week, but I know some people are very serious about their birthdays. It's not because I have an aversion to aging, I just never thought it's a special thing, since everyone has a birthday. But this year I felt different. This year is when things really changed for me. I've been seeing the world through a new lens: a lens of gratitude for my existence. 

I've always been a grateful person, but it wasn't as acutely aware as it is now. Every second of the day, I see things that remind me that I am alive and I need to take life seriously. It can get exhausting to live in constant gratitude, because that gratitude evolves into fear. Because life is short. Fear of life, death, uncertainty, pain, loss, suffering, etc. Now I need to balance this level of awareness with lighthearted joys and pleasures of life. When I'm aware of this feeling of gratitude, I question everything in life. I guess that's why I'm on a quest to search for #whyislifeworthliving. 

I'm aware of the horrors in the world. I'm aware of the pain and suffering that is happening around us, but that's a reminder to me that I need to live life as a kind and giving human being. Sometimes we forget that we're on this planet with other people. We become selfish and self involved and I don't want to be that person. I don't want drama in my life, I don't want conflict or hatred or negativity, because I don't want to put any negative energy into the world. I just want to give back positivity and optimism; that is my number one priority in life.

Now why is life worth living? Because this is my chance. I don't know how or why I'm here, but I acknowledge that I am a privileged human being. Life is a privilege. I just want to be healthy, happy and safe and I wish that upon others, friends and strangers. We're all here together. How do we make life worthwhile? Let's start with treating each other with a little more kindness, acceptance, compassion and understanding. Smile and acknowledge each other's similarities and differences. We're all alive. We're all human. We live on this beautiful planet Earth in the middle of our Solar System, in a dot in this grand universe. How are we here? How can we live inspiring and fulfilling lives? How do we make it count?

This year, I've learned to really accept myself for who I am. Admittedly, I'm still struggling to find my place and my voice in the world, but I've learned to be proud of myself. Be myself and don't be afraid. I can't focus on my lack of achievements or disappointments in my life. Instead I choose to focus on self improvement and self acceptance. I choose to be a happy human being and help others with their setbacks, because we all have struggles and we should help each other. I choose to be a conscious human being and I want to learn more about this world, things happening in the world, get to know the people around me. I want to learn more about everything, because I care. That's all I want to be in life: a caring human being. 

Now I am year older and I hope I'm a little wiser. I hope to go around the sun again, because I want and need to be part of this beautiful world. I'm so grateful and moved by life and the universe. Thousands of years of human existence and millions of years of stars. We're made of stardust. I am stardust. I am alive. To another 365 days. Thank you. ∞