I never realized that song lyrics could be that applicable to me and my life... especially nine years after this song was written. Goodbye Blues was one of my favorite albums by The Hush Sound. This album came out after my first year in college. I guess back in the day, I listened to the lyrics, but never really thought about the meaning behind the lyrics.
Now that I'm nine years older, I realized what every song was actually about. How did Greta and Bob write these lyrics nine years ago? I'm the same age as Greta and yet she wrote these amazingly beautiful lyrics and what was I doing? Being a college student and daydreaming about being a filmmaker. Life is pretty ironic. I've always known that, but today I'm feeling it more than ever.
I feel like maybe I was never really honest with myself. I think I have been idealistic all these years and finally I get it. Did I just have an epiphany today? I think so. This week was full of revelations and maybe something has shifted within me. I think it has something to do with Pluto's retrograde. I recently got the planetary symbol of Pluto (♇) tattooed on my arm. As a reminder of what I went through over a month ago.
That was probably one of the most challenging experiences I've ever been through. Have you ever wanted to die? Well that experience made me want to give up on my life. Yes, sounds dramatic as fuck, but it almost killed me. I'm not going to get into any details, but I ended up in the clinic and was prescribed Xanax. That's how bad the experience scarred and traumatized me. And guess what? A month and a week have passed and I still have NOT recovered from it. Now that is fucked up. I'm scared that my physical health will not recover from the experience.
I hate to complain, but I think I need to vocalize and write about this experience. It was horrible and a part of me regrets having done it. I know I should be somewhat proud of this achievement, but I don't feel rewarded by it at all. There's a good reason why, but now I'm just mad for putting myself through it... almost involuntarily. I sound so fucking cryptic, but it's to protect the people involved. So here I am, writing about this and maybe someone will read this... maybe no one will. I kind of don't care, but it's therapeutic and I may feel better now.
So this is me on a Friday night and I'm singing to my baby cat, Luna. She's comfortably sleeping in her safe spot and I'm writing. I'd say it's a pretty decent way to spend Friday night. The lyrics below couldn't be more accurate and I wholeheartedly believe those words. Here's to The Hush Sound and their incredibly beautiful and moving lyrics. Thank you for enlightening me.
Weight of days lost holding you down
You'll look for me, but I won't be found.
The bluebirds flutter in my chest,
Oh, they want to sing..
You'll have to break me open to hear anything
Before the world dies at my door
I'll break the sky, for you and I are going nowhere.
Kiss goodbye, a dozen times before we get there.
Why do I need anyone else, when I can break the sky myself?
Won't be haunted by dreams I've deferred
Won't set my heart frozen in amber
The love you always seem to find is syrupy sweet
One taste and you've made up your mind,
Too ripe to eat.
Before the world dies at my door
I'll break the sky, for you and I are going nowhere.
Kiss goodbye, a dozen times before we get there.
Why do I need anyone else, when I can break the sky myself?
Fear will hold you back,
If you believe in that.
I'll break the sky, for you and I are going nowhere.
Kiss goodbye, a dozen times before we get there.
Why do I need anyone else?
Why do I need anyone..
I'll break the sky, for you and I are going nowhere.
Kiss goodbye, a dozen times before we get there.
Why do I need anyone else, when I can break the sky myself?